His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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