yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
