fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's like iHOP with fire
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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