haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
