I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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