fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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