Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
