True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
