I looked at my own cervix.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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