You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
