either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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