I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
