My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She announced her abortion via fbk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
