see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
