I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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