I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
