I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
