I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
