how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
