to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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