Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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