So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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