I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
