pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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