Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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