Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
