the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
third nipple confirmed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
