? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
