Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
