It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
