Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
