we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
