Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
