So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Girls should come with a carfax report
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
