at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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