he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
