I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
