New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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