so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
