One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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