I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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