I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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