he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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