i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
