Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
