I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
