i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
