I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
