1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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