so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
