Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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